It's February. Still winter. But also the month of Valentine's Day, when we celebrate friendship and romantic love.
As an author, when I think of friendship and romantic love, Francisca comes to mind, that wonderful young girl from 1850 who was brought to life by my heart and soul.
Oh, what heartache she has experienced! That's what she wrote in her diary:
Now I'm sitting on the chair in front of the dressing table and looking at myself in the mirror. So, that's what a village bumpkin with rat tails looks like!
Why do I keep crying? Why am I so crushed ? This pain is— yes, what actually? Why do I feel so horrible? I feel sorry for myself. That's it—self-pity, nothing but self-pity.
Now, as I write these words, I can see my handwriting bending and squeezing tightly. Did my self-confidence also bend and squeeze like this in the presence of the elegant Rabenau family and the beautiful Olga? Then I shouldn't be surprised if the Rabenau family treated me without respect!
How terrible my image looks in the mirror! My eyes red. My face swollen. My braids disheveled. Rat tails. It is true. It hurts even more to see that what Hubertus said about me was true.
Oh, if only I were beautiful!
But that's just a dream, to wish that I was beautiful. You wake up from dreams and it can be painful.
When I was a child, I not only dreamed beautifully at night, but also with my eyes open during the day. “Wish-dreaming” I called it.
Can I still do that, the wish-dreaming? Then my reflection would smile now. And the Francisca in the mirror would be beautiful, with full hair falling over her shoulders, with smooth skin and rosy lips, with bright eyes and straight, silky-soft eyebrows.
Oh, God, it's true! I see myself! I, Francisca Hardenberg, am beautiful! As beautiful as I wish-dreamed to be. Oh, how beautiful!
My hand trembles as I write this. Am I still beautiful when I look up in a moment? Yes! Or is it just the candlelight that makes me look beautiful?
Did that thought destroy the spell? Now I am the bumpkin again with red eyes and a face swollen from crying.
Is there anything you can do to make your dreams come true? Is that possible? It must be possible. I want it to be possible. With all my might I wish-dream now, in this moment, that I am beautiful, as beautiful as I was in the mirror before. From now on I want to be the Francisca I saw in the mirror. The beautiful, proud, happy Francisca.
Reiki master and award-winning author of - I think - wonderful and captivating books in various genres that you will enjoy reading. I love creating stories of hope and courage, magic and mystery! Join me for giveaways, book updates, and surprises!
